This post is a hard one to write for me. I know that this post might offend or upset some people, but it’s the truth. It’s the truth for me & for many other people. It happens on various levels & in many different ways. In this post, I’m going to be digging a little bit more into my story with how I’ve felt and been hurt by the church.
So before we go any further, I want to say to anyone who has been hurt by the church. Me too. You’re not alone in this fight. You don’t need to abandon God because of it, because some churches in America and around the world…don’t look like Jesus. Sometimes, it seems like people are worshipping their political ideology and making that “fit in” with Jesus. Some people are talking about how they love new people in their church and how welcoming they are, but won’t even speak to you if you see them in public or off of the church’s stage. People say that they’re in it for the long haul with you…but then they leave. I’ve been there. Heck, some days, I am there. Here’s my story.
I became a Christian in 2013 and quickly became involved in my church’s youth group. At first it was wonderful, I was meeting people and I was under the naive impression that everyone there was good. I thought that everyone there was nice, caring, and Christian.
As time went on, I found out that I was wrong. Looking back there were a few problems, I wasn’t really invested in immediately after I became a Christian. I wasn’t really sure of what I believed and how that played into my life. So I said and did things that didn’t fit the mold. Some of them were personality quirks and others were situational factors with my depression and just being a teenager. However, I felt that a lot of the adults in the church weren’t a fan of me. As time went on, I kept developing deep friendships with people my age.
However, that started to change about a year after I became a Christian. People that I thought cared started to leave. People that I trusted had began to prove themselves not trustworthy…and I started to be excluded from things. “Friends” made excuses as to why they didn’t hang out with me. Even though there were some nights and people that were great, I got very lonely. My depression really started to flare up then.
Fast forward to the end of Summer 2015, I had graduated high school, the youth pastor that I really bonded with had moved out of the state, all of my friends were leaving, and I had life crippling anxiety and depression that forced me to go to community college instead of the four year school that I had chosen to go to. I had gone to a college small group at church and didn’t really click with anyone. Honestly, most of them weren’t even in college. Some of them were dating each other, some of them were single and at least 10 years older than me, and others weren’t very approachable. I decided to sit back and not say a word when I was there. However, most of the time, I didn’t even go. I had very few friends left in Richmond, and even fewer that I trusted to talk about my struggles with. I felt alone. I felt abandoned. I felt isolated. To make things worse, the church didn’t really reach out. I got a DM on twitter from someone at the church, but they never attempted to meet with me to hear my heart. However, I’m not sure if I really trusted them enough to let them in.
Throughout this time, I talked to a few friends who were away at college and at community college about what was going on. The ones away weren’t super helpful (especially the one that never responded to me). I got vague statements like “just pray more,” “have more faith,” & “keep trusting God.” No one was willing to spend a long phone call with me venting and just listening. I had established trust with them in the past, but no one was willing to hear.
The friends at community college were a different story, I was developing friends. Some of them were friends that I trusted and could go deeper into my struggles with. I couldn’t let them into the depths of my soul, because I wasn’t willing to open up the door of that to anyone (even God). However, they tried to help. They talked with me, they encouraged me, and they loved me. The ability to meet with them weekly gave me a purpose each week. Even on days when I didn’t go to class, I would meet with them for Intervarsity every week.
You may be wondering how I felt hurt by the church. However, to some, this story may be relatable and the answers should seem pretty clear.
I was abandoned. No one was willing to listen. It didn’t really seem like anybody cared. The church that I was very connected to in high school decided to abandon me. It’s not just me…there’s a whole group of Millennials that have been hurt by the church. There’s a whole group of us that have been abandoned by a group of people that we thought cared about us. Sometimes it’s because of struggles that we have in our life, sometimes it’s because of choices we’ve made that they don’t agree with, and sometimes it’s for no reason at all.
After things like that happen, we wonder if God even cares. We wonder if God even wants us. Heck, we wonder if God’s even there. Some come to the conclusion that He’s not, but I’ve come to the conclusion that He is. I’ve come to the conclusion that even though the Church as a whole isn’t perfect, that our God is. Our God is good and perfect, even when people who represent Him are not perfect (or even close).
I’m still a Christian. I’m still attending (& working on getting involved in) a local church. I am heavily involved in a campus ministry, despite being hurt by people there too. God has even used these seasons of hurt, loneliness, and struggle to grow me.
My point with telling this story is that if you’re considering giving up on church or faith, don’t. Maybe don’t stay around the people that have hurt you, but find people that you trust. Find people that you can connect with on a deep and spiritual level. Find people that love you as you are, but love you too much for you to stay that way.
If you’ve already given up on church or faith, I get it. Like I said earlier, I’ve had times where I’ve wanted to give up too, so I get where you’re at. However, I have a challenge for you too. Talk to someone about it. Talk to someone about where you’re at, how you got there, and why you feel the way that you do.
So this is a part of my story, there’s good, bad, and ugly. You can disagree with me. You can say what you want about me, I don’t really care. You can call me a fragile and over-emotional snowflake, I still don’t really care. What really matters is that God calls me chosen and loved. That’s the way that I’ll choose to see myself.
In the following posts, we’ll talk about more about solutions. How as the church, we can be better at hearing people, listening, caring, being there for the long term, and not abandoning an entire generation.
Running to Him 
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